” I have a question, if you have a husband that works seven days a week every day from 6 to 11 never gets a day off not because he can’t get a day off because he chooses not to get a day off he thinks because he brings money into the household that technically he does not have to be involved in any of the family things he misses out on all his kids things and his grandson I make excuses for him for the kids and everybody else when they asked me where is your husband at.
So yesterday we had an argument and I told him things need to change he needs to be more involved with me and his kids our kids are grown we have a 21-year-old 20-year-old and 17-year-old and 15-year-old and one grandson that’s one years old his excuses as he makes the money and he gives us the money so we could do things.I told him we don’t need the money will rather have him in our lives but he says he’ll never change so what should I do I’ve been with him for 23 years and nothing has been changed I raise my children by myself he’s there but not there I don’t have a husband I can ask him to do anything to fix around the house or help me with my car gets broken I have to deal with all of it all and keep in mind I have a job to so what should I do stay go ??????”
KISSY’S RESPONSE:
The way you are approaching this is all wrong. Here are some things you can do to heal the relationship and move in the right direction..
- Show him some respect, as a King who provides for his household. Love is shown with money, not just words. Tell him that you appreciate all he does for his family.
- Find out what his childhood was like, so that you may understand him. What kind of home did he grow up in? Was there love in the household? Obviously being a good provider is his definition of a good man. Maybe he wasn’t shown how to show emotions and affection. Maybe he doesn’t know what love is? Maybe he thinks love is loyalty.
- If he does stop working and stop paying bills, then what? You’d rather have him up under you while you guys struggle? He’s not with the struggle. Erase your poverty mentality.
- Your husband is a workaholic. The key is to find a way to show him balance. This starts with your communication skills. In order to communicate effectively with him you revert to #2 and figure out what his WHY is. Obviously he’s pretty big on loyalty and providing. That’s his love language.
- Explain to him how his absence in the home life makes you feel. Befriend couples with healthy relationships so that he may have examples of what a healthy family unit looks like. His E.Q. needs to be raised. A book on emotional intelligence may help him.
- When you talk to him, come from a place of love. Not screaming, not arguing, not complaining. Many men are just like him. They believe that just providing is good enough and that a woman should be happy. They often don’t understand that what a woman mostly wants is the love she receives from her man. Without that love, you won’t appreciate the money. It’s simply how women are programmed… Women are programmed to receive love.
- It’s time that both of you start dating again. Schedule in times to go out on dates. Reignite the flames. Be more loving than you ever been to him. Show him the way.
- Scheduling a dating consultation with an enlightened dating coach or a psychologist would help a lot. Sometimes people need someone outside the relationship to show them their blind spots.
God Bless.
Kissy 💋
#AskKissy #DearKissy
SIDENOTE: I would be wrong if I didn’t tell you that there is a possibility your husband has a whole other family somewhere. The answer above is a positive response when you’re dealing with a good person who maybe doesn’t understand what they are doing wrong.
It’s good to be positive, but it’s also good to know the truth. Check your husband’s work schedule and make sure he’s actually working and not living a double life.
