Today I had a conversation that resulted in someone being upset with me. This conversation left me feeling pretty numb.
I could’ve looked at it as my fault, their fault, but instead I’ve learned to look at things as an observer to learn the lessons and be in gratitude.
The lesson that I finally learned about myself is that I don’t identify with dysfunctional love.
I’ve had many men in the past tell me that they loved me. I’m sure they even tried to love me. But in many ways I did not receive that love. I didn’t always feel it.
If you lie to me all the time I don’t identify that as love. If you don’t value me, I don’t feel that’s love. If you’re not all out going hard for me I won’t feel you love me. When people displayed dysfunctional love in the past, I tried to direct them the right way, but they didn’t listen. So I often went against my own advice and watched the up and down periods as a result. The up periods were really good and produced memorable times. The down periods really hurt.
For men of my past, many of them told me that the first time they’d ever experienced real love is when they met me. Maybe it’s encoded into me or something, I don’t know. I just know that I understand love and know how deep it is. I know how hard it is to find a deep soul connection so I value it when I find it.
But in today’s society where people are told to not be too emotional in relationships, to not react, to not get attached, I don’t think we are moving towards unconditional love. I think we are moving people towards more loveless relationships that won’t expand their consciousness.
Lately so many men try to date me, and I tell them all no or push them away. I don’t intend to, but my heart can’t identify with them.
I’ve felt love so deep that if a man doesn’t come at me with everything he has in his arsenal, I’m not going. My soul won’t budge. My soul desires divine love. I don’t even trip right now if I don’t attract it, cause I’m not even trying. I turn down so many dates of men who fly into town. I already know that they are not coming to give me his all. Anything less than divine love bores my souls. I’ve already experienced the just go with it periods and what happens is men fall in love with me then get mad at me because they are not doing enough to excite me. I see their behavior and know they probably won’t listen if I try to direct them to better behavior. So I just smile and leave them be. Light & Love. You’re perfect sweetie… I don’t fix them anymore.
Nothing less than a man giving me his heart, his money, his body and his soul will move me. People these days are so busy working or emotionally hurting, not being able to get over the pain of the past, that they don’t make time for love.
I am The Goddess of Love, so I know it couldn’t just be a crazy thing for me to think a man must be crazy if he comes at me half cocked.
If there are 24 hours out of the day and you only have 2 minutes for me and the rest of the world would love to have 2 minutes from me, I can’t with you.
If you’re telling me you love to go half on a bill with me, I can’t with you.
If you’re telling me I want too much or expect too much, I can’t with you.
Anything less than your best effort is obviously not going to be good enough. Some would take that as THEM not being good enough, instead of their EFFORT not being good enough. Effort is something that can easily be changed.
If you want a relationship that’s based on paper but no real emotions, I can’t with you. Watching how some people act, I actually see why so many women cheat and get men on the side. They settled for a man who wasn’t at home handing out divine love. Cause even when a woman gets close to it, she doesn’t want another man anywhere near her. I get pretty dope men. Other men can’t touch me when I’m with them.
I also know that when a man meets the one, he wants to give her the world. Something just clicks for him, like magic.
But there is no point of trying to help a man improve his charm skills. Most won’t listen, and the super good men are already studying how to be a good man.
I feel like I’m in a crazy place right, where I have many men who would love to marry me and be with me. But the effort these men put in is disturbing. Maybe some of the worst I’ve seen in history. I see what women go through. Now I see why my ex-boyfriends thought they were the miracle. Those guys were pretty fly, went hard in pursuit of me and spoke my love language of gifts and covered so many areas.
But that’s so over and I know I’ll get better. Each day I’m moving towards being closer to being ready to date again. I’m getting ready to be ready. But when I’m ready, I’m only dating the best.
Sometimes men wonder why they can’t get amazing women and it’s because their effort is no different that the next man’s. Men are often impressed with their effort, not understanding that women are not.
If a man wants to be a good man he needs to learn from a man whose woman believes him to be a good man. Or he needs to learn from a high value woman like me. I speak a lot of truths in relationships because I know what women want. But they are too afraid to ask for it, demand it, or go after it. So she settles for less.
On the other end many amazing women have opted out of settling for less and remain single.
The crazy thing though is when I do start dating I know it’s going to be one of the most amazing experiences ever. Like I just know all of these amazing men are going to pop up.
But anyway back to this conversation. Afterwards I noticed that I went numb. Numb is a place I seem to go to every blue moon. It’s a place where I feel nothing, and I feel no love flowing through my veins. I believe this is the way a majority of humans feel.
I’m normally kind of uncomfortable with this feeling. But today I accept that the numbness is something that comes to protect me from wasting my time feeling hurt. The numbness gave me an opportunity for clarity without judgements.
This world is so cold, and people don’t even know what they are chasing anymore. Nothing is ever enough.
But you know what? Love changes all of that. So you gotta get up, and get out there. You’ll meet someone who restores hope to your soul again.
The only thing is you gotta meet someone who appreciates love just as much as you do, and is willing to nurture it. Everyone loves differently. But there are simply some core rules to maintaining love.
Dysfunction doesn’t nurture love. So it’s a must that people learn how to have healthy relationships. Healthy relationships mean you learn to make the other person important. At the end of the day love is all there is. It’s what we came here to experience. But many don’t realize that.
