In life, many people have been hurt and have made mistakes in relationships. This leads some men to slow down their dating pace, while dating many other women at the same time.
Many of these men can approach love in a committed way but still take the process slowly. However, he does not realize that this is exactly where the big misunderstanding happens and he loses ground with any woman who values herself.
See what happens is, depending on his personality, he might be adjusting to finding love, or seeing if he can be himself in the relationship. Or he might be recovering from old relationship wounds and wanting to be sure that he doesn’t get hurt again.
Also, many men often fear that they will lose themselves in a relationship. There is a sort of dread that they can experience when they start to feel close to someone because their sense of self is usually derived from being separate or apart from others. Hence, the one foot in and one foot out stance serves a lot of men in that they can connect with the person they are dating, but not face their fears of being engulfed by the relationship. Which makes dating multiple women very suitable for such a man.
Most high value women are turned off by such a man. He infuriates her and doesn’t make her feel good AT ALL. Meanwhile he’s moving at turtle pace thinking he’s showing consistency and emotionally connecting with her. He doesn’t realize that he’s building a big wall where chances are she grows to feel nothing for him. She can’t. It’s too confusing. His dating habits are beta, not masculine. His words don’t match his actions. It’s misaligned.
But for women who are currently dating such a man and you hope that he’ll choose you, here are a few tips.
1. Measure progress day to day, not by milestones.
Typically, woman use certain milestones to gauge their man’s level of commitment. They measure when they had the conversation about being exclusive, the first time he said “I love you,” or discussing next steps, like traveling together or marriage. But for the slow turtle pace man this isn’t necessarily a good indicator of his commitment level. People can have very different timelines in terms of how they want to pace the relationship. Some men would have no problem taking a week’s vacation with a new girlfriend, whereas other men would want to be married or engaged first.
Instead of measuring progress via your perceived milestones, it might be more helpful to track the day-to-day signs of commitment. A man that is committed but moving at a slow pace still shows up on time and keeps his promises. He still makes plans for another date, or texts you during the day to see how your day is going. The basic qualities of reliability, trustworthiness, and loyalty are still there in his makeup even if he is not investing in you otherwise.
Measuring his ability to stay present might indicate where his heart is. If he only texts you at night, then it’s up to you to gauge how much he likes you. You get whatever you accept.
2. Consider how he communicates with you.
His willingness to talk with you about the relationship is also a good sign that he is more serious. Conversely, the most common tell-tale sign of dragging you along is marked by avoidance or silencing you when you try to broach a conversation about where the relationship is going. There may or may not be a right or wrong way to have a conversation about the relationship, but if someone won’t have the conversation at all, or becomes angry when you broach it, it is a likely indication that with this relationship he may just be filling time.
If he says it’s better to be friends then you’ll have to be friends with him, go live your life and date men who are excited by you.
3. Give the guy (and yourself) a month or so to feel things out.
In the early stages of dating people are often most anxious about finding clarity, mostly because there are just still so many moving parts at play. But, instead of investing all that angst and energy trying to decide “where this is going,” perhaps it would be better to first decide if this is something that even warrants pursuing a commitment.
Rather than hoping that he “picks” you, your energy is best focused on discerning if this is someone you even want to spend time with. Take the focus off of you wanting him, and pay attention to how he makes you feel.” Instead of hoping that he’s interested, this is a good time to discern whether (a) there is a connection and (b) if you feel good about yourself when you communicate with him. Depending on your own dating patterns, this can cause a trigger and show you areas that need healing.
Chances are, you don’t feel good about yourself when a man is moving at turtle pace. Even if you try to have some patience, the truth is that he’s probably turning you off. You’ve been trying to understand him, and you do, but what happened is you once again forgot about you. You made your own emotions and feelings unimportant.
SOME MEN THINK A WOMAN WILL BE SINGLE FOREVER
