By the time we turn age 21, we are pretty sure of what we seek in a mate. You want someone who is smart, has chemistry with you, sex is amazing, you have fun together, and build a life together. You get into a relationship. It doesn’t work out. You do another, it doesn’t work out. You raise your standards and do another relationship and that one doesn’t work out either. Then suddenly we learn boundaries, institute that, try to stick to them, get into another relationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
Then we have the gray area for people who know what they want, but get confused when they fall for someone who isn’t willing to give them what they want. Mostly cause they didn’t stick with their boundaries. Otherwise this person wouldn’t be in their life and having their feelings entangled in the first place.
They stick around hoping things will change. It doesn’t. They leave, they go back again. This time trying to accept the other person’s desires yet still hoping things will change. They settle for good enough. They even hope good enough will work out, and most times that eventually falls apart too.
But before it does fall apart, lets explore the WHY people settle. They settle out of fear. Fear that they won’t get what it is they desire. They fear being alone. They fear no one else will accept them. They are too afraid to be patient and wait for what they want to come along. So they find themselves settling, pretending to be happy.
Even many spiritual people find themselves in this space. No matter how many books they read, no matter how much information they have, they still find themselves in a relationship that’s not their dream come true.
You will always get exactly what you desire no matter what. It’s only a matter of time. Either you know this, you’re going to wait and get help to hold the belief and mindset or you’re going to cave to fear.
I am working on myself. But as of this post, I have a problem with weak women. One group in particular are the Twin Flame women.
I find that group of women to be the dumbest, most weakest women, I’ve ever seen in my life. The amount of sobbing, and waiting on someone to love them and see their value is insane.
We’ve all been hurt. We’ve all wanted someone to see our value. But us smart ones left without looking back, and healed your pain, because you actually do value yourself.
Anyway, today I saw another dumb Twin Flame chick ask if anyone was going out on dates WHILE being separated from their twin flame. ALL of the comments said nothing and one else will ever compare to a twin flame love.
So guess what? Nothing and no one else will ever compare. I’m not calling them stupid for thinking that. I’m calling them stupid because they value themselves so little that they are sitting around waiting on someone who abused the mess out of them to come back to them, after reading a Twin Flame storyline online.
They fail to see that a person simply didn’t care about them. But this isn’t about that. This post is about mindset.
When I broke up with my abusive boyfriend, I was crushed and heartbroken. That man used to buy me all kinds of clothes and bags and take me all over the country. We traveled together, we ate together, we spent every day together, we got money together, we laughed together and were somewhat ‘best friends’.
He helped me fix my credit, taught me how to dress, how to hustle and got me a passport. He was also tall, handsome, well dressed, charming respected and very smart. We lived a life of luxury. I pretty much accepted that I may not meet a man as dynamic as him.
7 Years later I gave myself a life of luxury. I then met a guy who blew him out the water. He also wasn’t abusive. Maybe he wasn’t as smart as the first, or as money getting as the first, but he was smart enough, fun and very charming. He also bought me better shoes, and thoughtful gifts. But he never took me out of town not once. (He took the previous women and the one after me out of town. Remember that a man will always do for the next woman what he won’t do for you.)
I was heartbroken over him too. I figured I would never meet a man as amazing as him. 6 months later, when I wasn’t even looking or open to dating, I met a man who blows him out the water. He is 10 times smarter. In fact he’s brilliant, super emotionally intelligent, heart-centered, cute, gets money, walks in his purpose, and handles his business and is really sweet. I’m not with that guy and it’s no big deal.
Here is why.
When you love people the way I love people, God will always send you a replacement of equal or greater value. Either you’ll get the person you love, someone of their equivalent or someone way better.
I only get into relationships with amazing men. Therefore each one just gets better and better. My husband is going to be one of the most amazing men on earth and mars combined.
When I write blogs about love and relationships, I often ask myself should I just write this simple, and take myself out of it, in order to appear more professional or should I simply write from the heart. Most times I choose to write from the heart. My blogs aren’t about me, but my life experiences are the reason I’m so good. It’s the reason I understand people. I’m not regurgitating what I’ve read or heard. I write the truth that I’ve lived or witnessed through others.
Today, I look back at my past relationships and throw in my current relationships and experience, and came to the realization of just how much we as humans allow timing to play such an important role in our love lives.
Love itself is fascinating to me, although dating itself isn’t really that interesting to me. As dating in my eyes is really simple, however the majority of the world doesn’t see it that way.
Therefore, when it comes to love, we all get screwed royally, some kind of way. We get screwed because we all carry baggage. The more relationships you have and the older you get, the more baggage you carry.
We as humans are walking around with tons of emotional baggage, unpacking it slowly in the front of the others.
When people explain their relationship problems, on the surface it appears to be cultural differences, geographic location, finances, lack of appreciation, lack of understanding, and not being valued. Yet it’s all really the same problem.
Timing. Timing is everything, even when you don’t want it to be.
It is challenging to build a long lasting relationship if two people are not mentally aligned and on the same page. If you and your potential partner stand too far away from each other, the relationship is doomed before it even begins.
When two people meet they each have their own inner clock ticking faster or slower, determining what they think, how they feel and what they want the next couple years to look like. This causes various scenarios.
However I have noticed that it’s simply not that simple for people who are walking in their purpose and seeking a soulmate.
For instance, someone who is walking in their purpose, is already planning far beyond the next few years. They are planning out a lifetime. Add in this person may be coming off of a recent heartbreak and this really alters their thinking pattern. Such a person is extremely careful on whom they will choose as a mate. They tend to overthink things and overcomplicate things, because of fear. They begin to fear that the relationship won’t be perfect, which will slow them down and delay the manifestation of their empire. Instead of focusing on the HOW a relationship could work, fear keeps them focused on the how it may not work. Fear and past baggage acquired can make it extremely difficult for even the most enlightened person to choose a mate.
If one is mentally mature to commit to an everlasting relationship, he/she will behave accordingly. If he isn’t, he will act like he isn’t.
Neither of them are wrong.
If one person is heading North and the other heading West, it’s going to take a while for them to arrive at the same destination.
There is always an opportunity for a second chance, but chances are if it didn’t go right the first time around, it’s because it wasn’t meant to be. I believe you have to appreciate what’s in front of you when it’s there.
The first time I saw my recent ex the timing was perfect for me. But we didn’t talk. Two years later we met and talked, and in a way I felt like I hadn’t had a chance to explore the new me. But I tossed that thought to the side and went all in. I began to feel like the timing was perfect. But it wasn’t, because that man had no understanding of my value. He also didn’t walk in his purpose, so even though I helped him greatly, he couldn’t understand my value because he wasn’t walking in his purpose and had no way to truly incorporate the depth of my help. I tried to guide him into it, but he wouldn’t go. Later in life he’ll look back and realize how much he messed up a great relationship and opportunity. Later, cause time gives people clarity and changes them.
Meanwhile I met another guy who is walking in his purpose, and I can easily help him fulfill his purpose, but he’s deeply obsessed with building his company, and I’m deeply obsessed with building mine. It seems like a given to simply come together and build together, but other factors come into play that involve time, and suddenly what seems like an easy empire creation seems like maybe it’s not meant to be.
In other cases I have men who are also not necessarily walking in their purpose who’ve I met more than 7 years ago, and suddenly, they want to marry me. Neither is big on their physical appearance and I’m not either’s dream girl. I’m simply the smartest, wisest, most money getting, most beautiful, fun combination of a woman they’ve ever met, who is also nice to them. To them, there’s really nothing special about me, other than the fact that I’m a hot commodity. Now that they are comfortable with me and no longer intimidated, they believe they have a chance to capture my heart… Something they should’ve sought to do 7 years ago. Seven years ago my market value wasn’t as high as it is now. I wasn’t a Goddess back then. Now the whole world is aware of me and I’m aware of myself. I’m also not willing to settle for less now.
After I broke up with my ex, I met an amazing man. Right away he saw me like no other man had ever saw me. But I was heartbroken and wasn’t emotionally available. He tried to fly me out to him, but I would’t get on the plane. Others also tried and I wouldn’t get on the plane. I was too busy being heartbroken, not wanting to pull anyone into my vortex and have them fall in love with me. I knew that I would be unable to return the love, at the time.
I could easily say that I needed time to heal. I could easily say that because I was emotionally unavailable that any man who tried had no chance with me. I could even say that I was hurting and obviously on dates I wouldn’t be my normal high-vibe self. We often feel mentally lost after a break-up. I personally felt lost with no sense of reality.
But here is where the truth comes in at. We choose to feel lost, and figure it out, instead of mentally resetting. Also, that man wasn’t good enough for me. Otherwise, I would’ve went with it. I could blame it on time. But the truth is he didn’t present a package good enough to make me want to explore with him. So instead, I opted to work on healing my pain; by myself. He may have been just what I needed emotionally. But the package wasn’t Dream Life. It was presented to me as basic, and I’m not about to live a basic life with anyone. When something was presented to me that was beyond basic and closer aligned to my dream life, I kissed heartbreak goodbye. I decided to pay attention to him, WHILE I continued to heal.
Many people choose the most convenient medicine to make them feel better after a break-up. Some choose dating apps, dating various people, sexing various people, traveling, eating ice cream, drinking, partying, and anything to increase their confidence; therefore by pretty much avoiding real healing.
Pushing men away and taking time to heal and see where I went wrong has made me a better mate and a better woman and human being over-all. My new insight is beneficial to all who encounter me. By the time I met a man who pulled me out of my heartbreak, my healed state helped him heal from his old wounds. Maybe at another time I wouldn’t have been able to help him in such a way.
So there is another layer to timing. Every season isn’t a season for love. Some seasons are for healing and to get to know thyself. Yet, you could very well meet the love of your life during your off season.
In that time you must make a decision to either be confused in fear, to push them away, or to let go of the plans you made, recenter, refocus and recreate plans around them.
Here’s another truth.
There Is No “Right Person, Wrong Time.”
The real “right person” is timeless, and right regardless.
An individual is most apt to date someone who appears to be a living, breathing, manifestation of what they most desire at that point in their life. Like a woman dating a sugar daddy cause she needs money. Or a man dating a young woman because he wants to feel young and alive again.
Or a person will date someone who fills in the blanks of what they tend to be missing at that point in their life. Like dating someone fun, who lacks in responsibilities cause they make you laugh. Or dating a doer cause you need help getting out of your own head. I know one guy who will end up with whatever woman is nice to him and has a passport. He’s really that simple and wants a well traveled woman. Whatever relationship he ends up in will surely fall apart, for lack of depth.
But that’s not the kind of decisions most people who follow me tend to make. You make decisions about your mate based upon your purpose and where you plan to be 20-years from now. You know your end-goal. You know what you need from your mate. You’re seeking a life partner whom you connect with in business and love. You want someone you can take over the world with. It’s Pinky & The Brain. So no matter when you find it, whether you’re in your off season or not, you’re going to be lead to explore it.
The truth is:
The people you meet at the wrong time are simply the wrong people.
Saying it’s the right person at the wrong time is simply making excuses to not try. It’s a pre-designed reason to bow out early in the game. It’s you telling the other person “You are not worthy of any inconvenience.”
Subconsciously you don’t realize that’s what you’re doing. However a deeper truth is that you fear making a bad decision. You fear it won’t work out. You fear they won’t fully accept you and all of your baggage and imperfections.
When fear comes before love, it’s also a sign that it’s the wrong person. Love always trumps fear, even when you’re the most sane, logical person. Love is illogical. It’s a drug that takes over you. It hurts just as much to lose it, as it does to try to stop it from taking you hostage. Except you’ve built up enough logic to escape it, as long as the other person doesn’t do what it takes to pull you in closer and deeper. Not deeply connecting to another human makes you feel safe and in control.
I don’t exactly know how it goes, but I do know that we all have choices and that when you do meet a soulmate, the connection is often instant. There’s not much to think about. It just is.
The right person is always on time because love is always good.
There’s no such thing as, “I just wish I’d met them two years later/five years sooner” / or some indistinct other place in time where the things you’ve made into blockers would magically make this meant to be.
Whatever is meant to be will be because you’ll decide it will and shall be.
It’s not “time,” and it’s not space honey. It’s us. We decide.
Even when we think we’ve patched ourselves up, heartbreak to a conscious person takes a bigger hold over you than you may realize. It makes many second guess yourself. It makes you fail to decide.
When the right person comes along, no matter the time, if that’s who you want to be with, you’re going to eventually say “Okay. I don’t quite understand this. The timing isn’t the best. But I can clearly see how this person aligns with my future. I’m going to figure out how or if we can make this work.”
The decision to let go and surrender seems to evade some of the most amazing people who know they make great mates.
I have the most amazing clients and sometimes I’m like “I know he or she knows.” They know how to get what they want. They have it in every other area of life, except love. They are comfortable not having what they want in love.
The real problem here is lack of trust. Partially lack of trust in yourself and your decisions in a mate, and lack of trust in others. You don’t want to waste your time or anyone else’s time. You don’t want to make a mistake. You don’t know if it’s aligned and right for you. So you intentionally throw monkey wrenches in to create distance. More confusion comes because you want to figure out how to be safe, instead of simply feeling safe.
You know God is not the author of confusion. But you weren’t confused when you got with your last mate. Eventually you went all in. You decided to make it work. It was really that simple.
Guess what? It still is. It always is.Whatever you want to work, works. You just have to decide who you want to make it work with and be sure that they share your same mindset, are on the same page as you, and want to make it work too. You seek a like-minded soul with your same heart and character.
When the love is real, you see opportunities rather than excuses.
Remember how you were before you got your heart broke, before you became conscious and enlightened, before you really had the big picture of your purpose? Remember how unafraid of love you were? Remember how safe you thought it was to love? You gotta find that version of you again.
The right people are timeless. You’d wade across parallel Universes just to be with them. The right people are in perfect alignment with your future. The right people don’t make you hmm and wonder about whether or not you want to be with them; you just know… It hits you out of the blue and you’re like “Wait! What just happened? Where did this come from?” It comes when you least expect it. 😂 Love is sneaky AF!
You realize that no matter what you may have wanted before, this is better. You can clearly see a brighter future with them. Everything is better since they came along. You can SEE yourself with them till the end of time. The vision is already in your head. No matter what your fears and doubts say, that vision is there just as plain as day, without you having to think much about it. It formed itself.
For the right person you’d even wait till the end of time, but you don’t have to, because there they are right in front of you.
When you and your soulmate are both alive, it’s the perfect time. There are no doubts because nothing and no one can replace them. You get to a point where you can’t see yourself with anyone else.
As to the past relationships, you had to eventually see yourself without them, because you began to feel like you deserved to be treated better. Maybe you didn’t see a person replacing them, but your energy DECIDED to let go of them. That’s how the relationship ended. In the beginning, in the middle, and in the end, it’s all based on a decision. Those who live till death do them apart, DECIDED to stay together till the end of time. Sometimes they decide after cheating, and trying other things out, and the other person wanting them back cause they’ve invested so much time already. It’s still a decision.
Saying it’s the right person at the wrong time is simply an obstacle to Oneness of Spirit.
Time and decisions go together like white on rice, like peanut butter and jelly, like sugar and kool-aid, and like love and marriage.
Decide that you are truly ready to call them in. Decide that you are ready. Decide that you are no longer getting ready to be ready.
Surrender to love.
If you insist on still getting ready to be ready, here is another tip.
See people as a human being and not as your ideal manifestation. See people in healthy ways, and not just in a manner that fills gaps in your heart. Ready yourself by not waiting on the universe to hand you the perfect person. But instead getting your mind and things right in preparation for them. Give yourself a timeline of how long you’re going to take to get ready.
If you do this then you’ll meet someone who doesn’t make you wonder if now is the right time. You’ll be able to trust and listen to the intuition of your soul again. You’ll be able to surrender to love.
P.S. No man can see the end of God’s plans. They only reveal themselves on the path. This is why surrendering and letting go is so important. Trying to see stuff through to the end and control every part of your life, simply doesn’t always work.
Plus out of the billons of years the earth has existed, I wasn’t born 200 years ago. Neither were you. Therefore we are alive together on this planet right now. That is not a coincidence.
If two people want to be together, they have to understand that.
So if there is someone you truly want to be with don’t waste another of the few precious moments we’re given to coexist. Life is what you make of it. It’s created by the decisions that you make.
Marriage is a really hot topic in the world today. Chances are due to the way society is set up to make marriage the end all, be all, and the fact that the bible states it’s a wonderful idea to get married, the topic will always be a hot discussion.
As we enter into the second month of the last quarter of the decade, into a historical decade of year 2020, it’s being noted that marriage rates are down; especially in the black community.
“Sorry, guys, women are not saying “I do” because you’re not making enough dough. It’s even worse for African-Americans.
According to a new study by Cornell University professors cited by the National Council on Family Relation’s Journal of Marriage and Family, one reason marriage rates are down nationwide is because prospective husbands can’t provide enough financial security.
“One explanation for the declines in marriage is the putative shortage of economically attractive partners for unmarried women to marry,” according to the study conducted between 2012 and 2017.
The researchers compared the incomes of “potential” male spouses with those of men who married women of a similar demographic and found that guys who had not tied the knot earned 58% less than those who took a bride.“
This information is old news for many in the know. The bible clearly states when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing. He receives favor from the Lord. The trinity of marriage is blessed by God with abundance and prosperity. The law of increase is activated.
Through years of research, one thing I know for certain is that black men in general are not raised to value the union of marriage or women in general.
Even rap music is aimed at framing a black man’s mind to believe that love is not important and that quantity is more important than quality. The average black man will opt for multiple women and dysfunctional relationships, over building a family with one quality woman. Even when it comes to quality, what’s valuable to the average black man is a woman who isn’t highly intelligent, and will be down for him through thick and thin no matter what he does to her. His mindset is programmed to drag a woman through the mud first, so that she will prove her value. On top of that he also expects her to work just as hard as she does; yet he wants her to be feminine. This causes a huge problem and stagnation of potential empire creation.
So for the outstanding black women who are successful, attractive and educated, not only do they face a shortage of potential marriage partners due to being packed with so much value, but they are also not considered valuable to the average black man.
“In 1960, 72% of adults in the U.S. were married, according to Pew Research. While more adult couples are reportedly living together now, only 50% are married. That research indicated 54% of white adults were married, as opposed to black adults, who married at a rate of 30%. Asians were the group most likely to marry, with 61% of adults walking down the aisle.
According to the study published by the Journal of Marriage and Family last week, the nation’s lack of weddings is a matter of green.
“This study reveals large deficits in the supply of potential male spouses,” the study said. “One implication is that the unmarried may remain unmarried or marry less well‐suited partners.”
This study isn’t eye opening. It’s something I’ve always known, because personally I’ve never been married. I’ve turned down marriage proposals and walk away from men who were not willing to be the man God created them to be. I will also admit that that type of woman that I AM is not considered valuable to the average black man.
HERE’S WHY:
She’s beautiful – The average man in general looks down on beauty. There is a connotation that beautiful women are evil, or that they have nothing to offer outside of that. Men often want to take out their frustrations with former women, on a beautiful woman. As Rihanna would say “Trying to fix your inner issues with a badd b*tch.”
Men also have a habit of falling in love with the IDEA of a beautiful woman, but not being in love with the woman herself. Many a beautiful woman has never been fully loved by a man. Meanwhile chances are when he sets eyes on a basic looking chick, right away he’s focused on her inner. Men also are so used to a basic chick, that he doesn’t realize a beautiful woman won’t put up with the same behavior as a basic chick. A man absolutely can not treat a beautiful woman like she’s a basic chick and expect to get good results. It won’t feel right to her. She has to be valued for everything that she is, including her beauty. Meanwhile MANY men will say things like “I know women who are more beautiful.” or “Beauty isn’t everything.” Some men clearly display they have no value for a beautiful woman, while chasing one. That’s like a poor man saying money isn’t everything or that money isn’t important, then wondering why he’s not rich. Clearly he doesn’t value riches, so riches evade him. On the other end, a beautiful woman is expected to be dumb.
She’s Too Smart – Intelligence isn’t valued, because it’s difficult for men in general to deal with a woman who is smarter than him. To get her to submit, a man has to really be on his p’s and q’s and know what he’s doing. Chances are she also won’t submit to a man who isn’t smarter than her. She requires that a man have great leadership skills or that he simply allows her to lead the majority of the relationship. It’s almost painful to the average black man to watch a woman’s brilliance unfold. He views female intelligence as masculine. To him a woman is more beautiful when she says very little and does not dominate a conversation. If she does, she is looked at as one of the boys; which is a turn off for him.
She’s Successful – Men aren’t intimidated by a woman’s success. But a financially challenged man will worry if he can provide for a woman’s needs. He may abstain from highly successful women. Other men will attempt to compete with her, and chances are unless he’s just as high performing as she is, she will outdo him, because that’s what she does. However while it’s a competition to him, it’s not to her. She’s just doing her, and doesn’t feel she needs a man, because a real man has never played his role in her life.
She loves God – Being a Christian woman is a no no warning sign to the average black man. Men feel like a majority of Christian women are sexually repressed, and that she has more value for God, than she has for her man. He has no interest in God being involved in his relationship.
She’s Dominant – A majority of high performing black women are not into submission or servitude to her husband. She was never taught how to serve her husband. Men have taught her that her value lies in how much money she makes. Meanwhile most black men desire a submissive woman; which requires him to be the man he was called to be. Yet he rarely realizes that she remains dominant due to him not playing his part and pulling her into her feminine.
She has High Self Esteem – High self-esteem is viewed as arrogant and cocky in a woman. Unfortunately a great deal of men in general are not taught to speak life and love to a woman. Alpha male dating techniques teach men right away to diss compliment a woman in order to lower her confidence. I remember once the rapper 2 Short touched my hair and told me that I had a “cute wig.” I also remember some random guy one time looking at my stomach and saying “Oh, you have a kid huh? I see your stretch marks. You’re cute though.” In my head I noted his tactic, and thought it to be silly.
As you can see, black women these days are transforming into powerhouses. Which is exactly the opposite of what most men are looking for. Therefore she attracts men who seek to use her. Once she catches on, she then raises her standards to men who provide. Chances are she may also not be interested in dating outside of her race. Now her options are very small. Now add on the fact that many black women also raise their standards to wanting an attractive man, not to mention she also values love over money, even though she makes her own money, so providing alone isn’t enough. She can provide for herself. She seeks a high value soulmate and refuses to settle for less. Now her options are even slimmer.
I watch a few black men who call themselves leaders, who teach other black men to not provide for their woman. I also know many black men who’ve been used up by a woman, because he didn’t pick a woman with a good heart, so he has now joined the ranks of the 50/50 men or expects a woman to be in masculine energy and chase him. Valuable women do not chase men.
So now you see the deeper reasons why relationships in the black community are so bad.
Meanwhile I live in the God & Goddess realm where we all know the rules. Each sex plays their proper role and benefits greatly. Not to mention a Goddess greatly adds to the pot as an added benefit of her mate.
What many men and women don’t get is that a woman wasn’t created to sustain anything. She was created just to be loved. So when a man expects a woman to pay half the bills, and a bunch of other things, he’s destroying her femininity. Which is why women have so many problems. She’s trying to work, pay half the bills, take care of the house, take care of her husband and the kids too. The average woman barely has time for herself, let alone time to nurture her man when he walks in the door.
A woman should never be forced to go to work. She should work because she feels like it, not because she has to. This is what God’s and Goddesses understand. (God’s pay bills, the rest are wannabes) A true Goddess will only deal with a man who provides for her. She also walks in her purpose, so she loves her work. Work doesn’t feel like work to her, so she enjoys it. She also understands that regardless of her work schedule or obligations, she still must cater to her man; and has no problem doing so. In fact she delights in it.
Other women find themselves stressed out over all of their obligations. A woman wasn’t created to carry stress. It’s overwhelming for a woman to stress about paying bills. Doing so also pulls her way too deep into masculine energy. Too many women are carrying loads they are not built to carry. So it’s no surprise many women are physically broken down and stressed out from trying to carry a man on her back and be strong for him. He’s supposed to carry her and be strong for her.
The average man will trample all over a woman and use up her energy, take her money, sexually use up her body, her time and her resources to build himself up, then leave her for a younger woman once he achieves his success goals.
Women know this so they ask for prenups. Other women get so tired of a man not providing that she goes and looks for a provider, without love attached… Gold diggers do this out the gate, and they faire better off than most women. Which all causes more destruction of relationships, cause none of the aforementioned behaviors makes for a lifelong relationship, nor a good marriage. They are all temporary from the jump. Every relationship isn’t meant to end. They end because people don’t tend to them properly.
Other women were raised without a good father, so she has no idea what a good man looks like or how she’s supposed to be treated by a man. She enters a range of 50/50 relationships that tend to never work out. Such a relationship does not move her forward. It actually takes from her usually doesn’t result in marriage. If you really look deeply, such relationships were based upon her providing sex, and financial contributions. Such a woman often doesn’t even know how to allow a man to take care of her or provide for her.
So much chaos is happening, and sometimes I’m like “Geesh. Am I the only one who notices this?” 🤷🏼♀️
Men are supposed to nourish women. In order to nourish a woman a man needs his finances to be right. Without doing so his focus will be off.
Now that we know the true dynamics of how a relationship should play out, it’s obvious that a lot of women are married, but what I’ve always known is that most of them settled for less. The smart women are the women who married the man of her dreams or she’s single, because she refuses to accept less. She also knows that marriage doesn’t define her and only a man who provides is a prize.
Every man needs to watch the video below.
But they won’t.
WHY?
Because they love to take their relationship advice from men who are not successful in love or they listen to a basic woman with low expectations, then wonder why they aren’t highly successful. The average black man views men who are successful in love, as lames. They never seem to notice the great success of the man and note that he’s married.
I came across this fascinating article that I had to share with my fellow empaths.
What are 6 common ways that empaths land up sabotaging the relationships around them through their natural behaviors and actions?
Being an empath is not easy – you basically live your life experiencing your own feelings, as well as the feelings of most of the people around you.
On a day-to-day basis just the feelings alone can be enough to drown you, and any extra stress can quickly send you over the edge – yet, we seem to be good at creating extra stress unwittingly, especially in our relationships.
What are the common mistakes that empaths make that sabotage their relationships?
1. Thinking For Your Partner
This could also probably be labeled having the fight in your own head.
You know what I mean right? You’re upset with your partner and you start ‘venting’ or ‘practicing’ what it is you plan to say to him or her, and you land up having, and resolving, the fight inside your head, without any partner participation at all.
Yes, you do feel better, but your partner has missed out on the benefit of the process, and you substituted what you wanted to hear, your ideal responses, for what your partner would have actually said. Over time, this leads to a lot of disappointment, because you’re remembering promises and agreements that were never actually reached in the relationship, only in your head.
2. Speaking For Your Partner
In the same vein, as empaths we have a tendency to compensate and speak for the other person.
You know how that goes; it starts with a thought like, “Okay, so he battles to ask for help and he sounds down and like he needs love. Let me stop what I’m doing and go and give him love so that he feels better.” Yes you’re fulfilling your purpose and being a good person, but you’re also teaching the other party that they don’t have to communicate their needs, you’ll always be able to see inside their heads.
Over time you will also get resentful that you always have to stop everything to look after this person’s needs, fostering anger and irritation in that relationship, even though it is you that is the catalyst: you’ve created your own obligation to stop what you’re doing and meet this person’s immediate emotional needs.
3. Looking After Your Needs
At the same time that you’re talking and thinking for your partner, as an empath you tend to carry the load for meeting your own needs within the relationship.
So instead of going to your partner or friend for help, you keep on carrying them emotionally, and you carry yourself – not allowing the other party to look after you.
You don’t ask for advice or assistance or let people know when you’re down or low because of two reasons: first you have created a habit of only relying on yourself, and second you expect people to be able to see and interpret for themselves that you are low. It’s what you do after all.
4. Compromising Your Needs
Once the emotional load of the relationship, the other person and your own stuff becomes too much, you compromise on the easiest place to compromise – yourself.
In order to save time you only focus on the relationship and your partner or friend, neglecting your needs and ignoring your system. Over time you forget all these small compromises and you just feel the heaviness of the burden. This usually vents in an explosion of, “Nobody cares about me or my needs.”
The sad truth is that it’s us who always compromise our own needs.
5. Not Expressing Yourself
A long-term effect of compromising your needs is that you stop expressing your needs altogether.
It’s like manifestation, in order to get what you want from the Universe, you have tell the Universe what it is that you want and focus on it intently. So many empaths feel that their needs aren’t met in their relationships, and equally as many of us are guilty of not telling people what we want or what is going on with us.
What is going on with us is a big one here, because we don’t take the time to explain ourselves either: we’re too busy understanding the other person you see? For someone who is not an empath, the sudden mood swings and ups and downs, especially when they seem to be caused by nothing, can look really scary and confusing.
6. Breaking Your Boundaries
The last unhealthy behaviour that empaths exhibit in relationships is around boundaries
. When we’re pressed to do something that conflicts us, our DIY programming kicks in and we have the fight in our own head – most often choosing to cross the boundary internally on our own. Do this enough times and you’ll feel like you’ve walked miles for the other party’s benefit, while they have absolutely no inkling of the level of sacrifice you’ve made for them.
Finally, boundary breaking leads to anger: anger at myself because I’ve crossed my own internal boundaries or anger at another that has crossed my boundaries. Each time you allow your boundaries to be crossed, another little bit of unexpressed anger builds up. Over time this accumulates exponentially and you land up fuming with the person and hating them for walking all over you.
Before a man dates a woman, he should get a rundown of what she’s accustomed to. Queen Elizabeth is not going to get dressed in her royal garments just to meet you at Starbucks for a $5 coffee first date. Neither would Oprah or Beyonce. Neither would you expect them to.
So why not go after a woman that you have that same amount of respect for? Why would you ask a woman on a date with whom you’re not excited by? You couldn’t possibly be excited by a woman you’re asking out on a coffee 1st date. You can’t even see her. You only see of her. Each time the problem isn’t a woman. As a man it’s important to reevaluate your dating moves and look within. You must have discernment. If women have gotten over on you in the past reflect on what attracted you to her. Some women are also built already. They don’t come to prove anything to anyone. You can’t expect her to be less for you. You can’t push your low expectations off on every woman you meet. Why aren’t you expectations higher? Why are you so afraid to get your hopes up? Why is fear running you?
Truthfully you wouldn’t even want a man taking your mama out on a $5 coffee date. You would hope a man would take her some place nice. People say they want to get to know people and feel them in person, but I promise you the connection is the same over the phone. The connection is energetic.
A lot of men are used to dating women with basic mindsets. You can’t expect the Queen to step off her throne and come down to your level, due to your own past fears, and due to you not understanding how to hop on the phone and form a soul connection.
I’m a woman and if I were to take a man out for a first date, I would take him some place interesting. Especially if I know he’s going to be dressed in a suit with diamond cufflinks, a Breitling watch, some Ferragamos, a sparkling smile and some good smelling cologne. That’s respect. I appreciate such a King’s presence and his effort in taking care of his appearance and showing up in a way that puts a smile on my face. But see that’s just me moving at my own level and status. I have gratitude for people. In the past, that’s also probably why I didn’t care about taking boyfriends out to expensive dinners. (Ladies, most men don’t appreciate stuff like that. Just so you know. Do it at your own risk)
A man would faire a lot better if he simply figured out what he wants and how to get it.
I’ve turned down dates with celebrity men who I knew were worth $50+ Million because he didn’t come at me properly. I’ve also met celebrity men who I didn’t really care about his money and fame, but when I really talked to them and realized his level of intelligence and consciousness THEN I became enamored and fascinated or excited by him.
I often speak for boss chicks, because men don’t understand our type. We like nice sh*t which is why we make our own money. We also aren’t into just dating a man just because he can provide. We’re not into using people, which is why we work so hard. A boss chick simply wants a really dope man, because she’s dope. She pulls off the impossible on any given day.
One group of man says she’s too assertive, the other group feels insecure cause he can’t provide for her. If she goes 50/50 that ends badly most times. Oh, and don’t let her have an online business and be Queen Bee on social media. Then men think WOW! She’s aggressive. She doesn’t know how to cater to a man. Or they think she’s not feminine. And to me common sense says if that pipe is right she’s going to turn feminine pretty fast.
As to a coffee first date I’m turning that down and moving on immediately. Such a man doesn’t have the codes to get me to fall in love with him. Nor am I what he’s looking for. He’s simply not going to put in enough effort. His mind isn’t creative enough for me. We aren’t equally yoked in genius or passion,
Everyone isn’t on earth to waste time. Every girl doesn’t get glitter in her eyes over your status alone. Just like men tell women to work on themselves to become better mates, men could definitely use some Charm School Knowledge.
Life is love. You are absolutely not going to be the best mate for a dope chick if you start off from day one trying to play her short.
So many men these days want women to be easy, breezy and basic, then you wonder why it’s so easy for the next man to get in her ear and take her from you with very little effort. You should be such a good, amazing man that it’s damn there impossible for another man to snatch your girl.
Maybe I’m just loyal AF, but when I was in relationships, other men couldn’t hold a candle to the man I was with. I simply don’t get into relationships with whack dudes.
As a man it’s important that you love yourself enough to know what you want in a woman and do what it takes to make it happen. Please don’t be a man who is adding to the narrative of telling women to accept less. It’s not even that hard to keep a woman happy. It just takes a man who cares enough about love.
Choose to be phenomenal in work, in life and in love.
I don’t have all of the answers. I just have like 1/4 of them at any given time. Just like you I’m human on any given day, and on other days I don’t want to be around the mortals. It all depends on the day. I’m chill like that, or maybe I have multiple personalities. Who knows. But today I want to discuss something that us good-hearted boss chicks go through.
JUDGMENT IN DATING
We have this huge thing where we try not to judge people and we live from our hearts. We know no one is perfect, so that tends to cause many of us to make excuses for people’s behavior. We also talk ourselves out of the things we want. In addition once we hit love and light we know that our judgements of others are only judgements of self. We can easily look at others through the lenses of love, and often decide to do so; to our own detriment. It’s because we ignore our gift of discernment, believing it to be that of judgment.
Examples
You’re a boss chick and you make 6-7 figures. You know that you’re one in a million. You wouldn’t expect anyone else to reach your level of success. So you will settle down with a 5 figure guy who says money isn’t important. Later you’ll realize his mindset wasn’t in alignment with yours. He will have no appreciation for your work ethic, nor will he pay all of your bills. He doesn’t know the difference between you and a basic chick, and honestly he’d prefer that you not be so d*mn smart. It’s a dead end situation most times.
You meet a man who is smart. So because he’s smart, you look over the fact that his health isn’t on point, his appearance isn’t on point, his clothes aren’t even on point. But he’s smart and on his money. You try to look past all of the other things cause they are easily fixable. Later you realize he can’t appreciate how well put together you are. So he has no idea how to treat you. He’s used to basic chicks, and since his own appearance isn’t up to par, he doesn’t value someone who is. You try with all of your might to say this is no big deal, but the way he treats you makes you feel less than Queen, and you’re forced to opt out on him pretty early in the game.
You meet a man who is nice to you. He’s super sweet. He’s also smart. He dresses okay. He doesn’t wear cologne, but he appreciates you and the money he makes is decent. At the least you know he won’t be selfish. Then you have sex with him and it sucks. You look past it, because sex really isn’t that important you tell yourself. Later you realize you’re not turned on by him, and maybe sex is important after all.
In each of these cases, a woman would be putting herself, her wants, her needs and her desires last, in hopes of finding a fruitful relationship. It’s really sweet. It’s even commendable. But it’s truly self-sacrificial.
As women we often need to be reminded that our standards and wants are not asking for too much.
You want a smart man who takes pride in his appearance, has a nice smile, dresses well, is on his money, spoils you, buys you nice things, pays all of the bills, includes you in his decisions, appreciates and values you, spends time with you, makes plans with you, leads you, makes love to you like a master and pleases you, is emotionally healthy and has great communication skills, and wants to marry you sooner rather than later.
That’s really a simple list. But most men will tell you that you’re asking for a lot. However you know your heart. You know you’re going to give a lot, and you know the life of the man you end up with will greatly change for the better. You know what you bring to the table. Yet, because most men will say you’re asking for too much you slowly start settling for less. Did you ever notice that every time you try that, those men start treating you like less? When has a man ever said “I appreciate you settling for me. I know you can do way better?” Like never. Since you picked him, without making him step it up and do the work it takes to become the man of your dreams, he thinks he’s your dream man. In fact after a while he starts to think he’s better than you. In a way you become an option to him, and not a choice.
The crazy thing about all of this is settling doesn’t work. You gotta go for what you want. You know what else? Men often don’t settle. They go for what they want. If a man wants a woman with a big butt, he’s going to get that. Some men even end up with more than they asked for. Such lucky men rarely ever seem to realize their luck and they mess it up.
As women we must move ourselves away from the “I don’t get to have zone.” over to the “I get to have zone.”
I constantly have to remind myself to stop being so nice. Like I’m nice AF to smart men who are respectable. But smart and respectable doesn’t mean they get the honor of being with me.
The men you choose to date should appreciate you just as much as you appreciate him. That’s the biggest problem with a Goddess dating. She’s looking for the return on her love. But everyone isn’t equipped to love at your level. But because we live in a 3D world you sometimes find yourself going backwards trying to think like “normal” people because that’s so much easier. It’s way easier to just date like “normal” people. Heck you’d bet married already and faking it, if you could just pretend to be normal. But your soul won’t let you.
Plus when you try that you end up disappointed, because “normal” people, even when they are exceptional, conscious, genius, emotionally intelligent, and all of the other traits we may like, they aren’t equipped with the love potion magic that you have. Which is why they don’t recognize you.
Magic recognizes Magic. When the right one comes along it’s MAGIC, on both ends. Not just your end. You can’t keep being the only one bringing glitter to the party. It’s a must that you find your male unicorn.
I’ll also remind you that you still have not decided and set a date. That’s the only reason you’re still going through the madness.
What’s stopping you from doing those two things, plus the 3rd segment of receiving? I would have to talk to you to find out.
However in many ways I believe it’s your mind that continues to go back to doubt, that believes you’re not going to get what you ask for, but you know he’s out there. But you’re kind of too busy with your business anyway, so it’s no big deal if you wait to decide a little bit longer, because there’s no telling who you’ll meet and how much fun you’ll have with him, and just maybe your choice will change.
Which goes into the deeper issue, that as much as us women believe that we know what we want, and we say men don’t know what they want, maybe none of us actually know exactly what we want, because you have to date enough people to zoom in on what you want. Like I’m just this year realizing that I want a brilliant man. Smart was cool with me 3-years ago. It’s not cool now.
So, get out a piece of paper, and write down GENIUS, SMART, BRILLIANT at the top as the first quality of your dream man. Then write down the rest of his attributes like ATTENTIVE.
I’m not big on living by a list, as I’ve manifested my list a few times, just to scratch somethings off or add some new things.
Maybe at the end of the list write “The man who fits this description will be good enough for me.”
Maybe before you get to that part you should add that he’s EXCITING. Cause that’s really the main ingredient missing in the men you’ve been meeting. His behavior towards you doesn’t keep you excited about him. It crashes. And you could keep it going on some light and love sh*t, but you’re tired of faking it.
It’s fascinating that what most men are missing actually isn’t money. The things they are missing are also well within their control. The men are simply not choosing to embody the highest versions of themselves, the way us women rapidly transform to our highest versions, then just keep right on tweaking and transforming. Because if they were, then they’d excite you and do what it takes to keep you.
I know weird right. A man can have $50 Million dollars in the bank and still not be as well developed as you. So maybe add to the list that he’s as developed as you or more. What does such a man even do for a living? Is he a life coach? Is he a motivational speaker? Is he a guru? Can he also be super cute like you?
I’ll tell you something else. You are a multi-dimensional woman who literally operates in different dimensions of spiritual realms. You’ve gone so deep into spirit, that you’re tapped into the ascended masters.
You are seeking a man whom is his TRUE SELF, as the Holy Grail, who loves enough not only to seek the Grail but to become it, fill it with light, and then to become the light. You’re seeking a man to come into the light with you.
Because you are actively seeking to fulfill the mandate of God, your soul is familiar with a kind of love that many have never known.
When it comes to deeds of love, it’s a beautiful art form for you. You’re an artist that masterfully crafts your love in this zone. Even in love you seek to perfect that skill, as you do in all other areas of life.
You operate in so many different levels of consciousness.
You know your power and your empowerment comes from God. God is love, therefore you seek to serve love. You go blazing in without much fear.
You know the fullness of love cannot be love unless it is ACTION. Contemplated love or the mere repetition of words may occupy one’s fancy, but love in action is the measure of a heart united with mind, body and soul.
You know the contemplated action, the happiness, the enjoyment of another’s attainment is the equivalent of the attainment of love itself. You’ve sought to give this love to others.
Some actually believe the words “I love you” carry the full force of commitment and fulfillment. Not true. The words are merely a mantra that must be fulfilled by a keen perception of the needs and demands of every part of life, including your mate and living the truth of authentic self.
It’s not so much that you’ve self-sacrificed yourself in the name of love, the problem is other’s inaction does not complete the circle of love. Imagine if someone loved you the way you love others?
Then there would simply be no self-sacrifice. It would be two people growing and evolving in love. Even in love there are levels.
You constantly seek to improve your service of love. Yet others say “This is me. This is all I have to give. This is all I intend to give. People must accept me as I AM.”
But you know through knowledge of self, that defining one’s potential, or placing a maximum capacity on one’s will and not committing to full ascension into love, stops one from making a definite decision for one’s new life or personality.
The ego holds many a captive, imprisoning the soul to a certain level of the knowns, for the sake of a certain level of stability. People unknowingly keep their soul in a dimension they could easily grow out of. They convince their soul that no additional progress can or should be made and that its current level of attainment is sufficient.
People literally get caught up in the 3d world and settle for less of themselves, causing stagnation of love. So how are they supposed to meet or match you in love? Your love is in the clouds, where it belongs. In the clouds where everyone should seek to be.
But God created someone for everyone. So when you’re truly ready. You already know the words. Decide “And So It Is.”
Become all that you are. The woman your soulmate is attracted to.
As above, so below. As it is. So it is. So be it. I have spoken, the word.
It’s not that you expect someone to love the way you do. You actually need them to. It’s a must. All of the fun is in the expansion of your soul. You came here to experience the deepest love, that expands your soul like no other. It’s not judgement when you walk away from what’s not for you.
This is usually how it happens. You just know. It’s not a lets talk for 6- months and see if we maybe like each other. Love tends to be a feeling that honestly just swoops in on you fast.
Sometimes you’re dating a someone for a month or two, you’re feeling out their potential, you’re trying to not to get serious with them, but you keep hanging out with them, and having sex with them; it starts to creep up on you, and then BOOM, one day it just hits you. You’re in love.
Two years prior to meeting to my ex, I actually spotted him and said to myself, “That’s me right there.”
Before actually meeting him or ever speaking to him, I noticed him in a club. He stood out, but didn’t talk to me. I ended up meeting a really cute guy that night. Glad I didn’t take him serious and ghosted him though. He was nice, but one day, maybe a year later, he somehow found my Facebook fanpages and hit me up on two of them. When I went to his page, he had a longtime girlfriend pregnant…
But back to the story. Two years after that night at the club, I was out to another club again, in the VIP. This time I didn’t even want to go out, but it was my friend’s birthday. I was so lazy that I actually went to the club in flat sandals and had on a loose fitting top that hid my cleavage. One of my friends was with me being super drunk. She got up from her place on the couch next to me to go to the bathroom.
A few minutes later, the guy who 2-years prior my soul told me belonged with me, came and set next to me. Will you believe he had on the exact same shirt from the night I laid eyes on him two years prior. My memory wasn’t set up like that. So know that’s MAJOR to remember the shirt of a random man that I never talked to, inside a nightclub. He said he was never wearing that shirt again after I told him how I recalled seeing him.
I thought it was destiny, and I’m sure it was despite it not working out. I did get some healing from being with him.
Another guy this year, I was minding my lil happy business and then BOOM! Something came over me. That’s how this soul connection thing works. Even the soulmate men that I don’t get romantic with, we tend to like one another right away. We just click. Conversation flows easily. If I really wanted to like them I could, but sometimes they get friend zoned cause they haven’t worked on some of the pieces of their pie.
Being friends first works for some. But I’m a firm believe then when you practice “friendship” type of dating habits, you could potentially be killing the romance. Sex isn’t enough to keep the connection in such cases. Magnetic sparks, backed by emotional connections that are SPIRITUAL, are what forge strong, unbreakable bonds. The same sparks that experts warn you against. The sparks are only a problem when you have them with people who aren’t on the same page as you.
When some people feel the sparks, sometimes they fail to receive the message signaling them to get it together because something fabulous could transpire.
But when two people feel sparks and they are both ready for one another, magic happens. It’s called LOVE. Sometimes it’s truly spiritual and you’re going to fall in love regardless of it’s that’s part of the plan or not.
Either way, nothing is 100%. Anything can go either way. However I’d advise you to trust your intuition and go with it, when it pings on someone. When it pings, ignore your mind that says it’s too fast, too soon, not the right time, or too good to be true. It happens when it happens.
